Hatches, Matches and Despatches

16/11/2009 - Vale Greg Joubert
We are saddened to announce the passing of team member Greg. Greg loved the camaraderie and mateship of the Club and the team,now playing in the highest grade possible. We will miss his quite demeanour and genuine friendship... a gentleman and a true Unquenchable.

23/10/2009 - It is with pleasure we welcome the safe arrival of a boy Kenneth Alexander (3.1kgs, 51 cms )to Aung and Graham. All are well.

11/08/2009 - Deepest sympathy to Kev Sandells and family with the passing of his mother on Saturday Aug 8th.Our thoughts are with the family in this sad time.

14/06/2009 - Our thoughts are with Doug Hughes for the loss of his sister in the past fortnight. Doug travelled back to Wales to be with his family. Our thoughts are with him and his family.

23/02/2008 - It is with sadness that we learned of the death in the UK of Paul Moran's mother after a long illness. Our thoughts are with him and his family.

22/01/2008 - The start of the season has been scheduled for the 29th March. Put this date into your diaries. Further details will be supplied as and when they become available.

05/01/2008 - It is with regret that we announce the loss of Zyg Klimecki ,father of Zyg, last week after a long and painful illness. Zyg was a long time spectator of the Quenchies during young Zyg's halcyon days in the 80/90s ... we regret his passing.

07/12/2007 - It is with pleasure we welcome the safe arrival of Lucinda Collins second daughter to Alina and Pete the navigator.A little late in coming but an early Xmas present. Congratulations and hope to see Lucinda at the pre-season drinks.

02/04/2007 - Born Tues March 20th a son, Liam Patrick, to Patrick (Paddy) and Victoria Callaghan.According to Paddy ' showing some signs of intelligence '... make of that as you want, he already has his Everest climbing boots.

09/03/2007 - Congratulations to Jason and Amanda McGregor on their new arrival,a bouncing boy Magnus born Tue 6th March. Mother and son doing well.

25/02/2007 - NEWSFLASH - (Well October wasn't that long ago was it?)

UNQUENCHABLE BREAKS WORLD RECORD

Dateline: 30 October 2006
Location: Pattaya City, Chonburi Province, Thailand

Last night at Tahitian Queen Rock ‘n Roll Bar (TQ), Pattaya Beach Road the Golden Mile record held by a the Finnish star Oluf Smirnoff was shattered by Unquenchable Stuart Ramsden, a member of the Unquenchables rugby team currently on rest and recreation duties in Pattaya.

For the uninitiated, the Golden Mile course comprises six scantily clothed damsels in high healed boots lined up one behind the other 1.5 meters apart along a dance platform with their legs wide apart so as to allow passage of a worming male body. The object of the exercise is to worm through a girl’s legs to each of six drink stations where a full shot glass has to be picked up only using one’s the lips, emptied into the mouth and swallowed without any spillage then passed by turn of the head to the glass puller who takes the shot glass from the competitor. A key support member of the team is the glass puller. Poor judgment and timing by him and any attempt at the world title is doomed. This role was undertaken by Stuart’s lover Pommie Paul who performed his task with adroitness and panache. They made a great team.

The previous record for the event which was held for two years was 21.2 seconds. Stuart shattered the old record by a massive 5.8 seconds to create a new undisputed world record of an astounding16.4 seconds. The official timekeeper, TQ night manager Tom, verified the result and proclaimed that he expected Stuart’s record to stand for many years.

A proud but humble Stuart later said “I did it for the Unquenchables. I want you to share my glory.” Glass puller Paul was originally nominated to make the record attempt but his body was deemed too fat to fit through the girl’s legs and he was thus disqualified from competing. “I’m a puller from way back.” said Paul “It suits my body shape”. Nobody disagreed with Paul.

12/02/2007 Announcing the arrival on Jan 9th to Meri and Phil Hand,our revered 'Fangologist' ,a daughter Audrey Barbara a sister to Chloe & Mietta. A Guinness head wetting will take place at our pre-season drinks March 8th.

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VALE TRADITION

Thursday we gathered to lay to rest
A Quenchie's tradition that has stood the test
It starts with tee and ends with gee
And never is mentioned in Vets company

The push was led by Martin "Bormann" Roche
With Bluff Sarge involved in the encroach
The call went out "Forwards follow me"
From number eight to four plus 1-2-three

We will join the scabs from Eltham and Quins
And leave the backs to touch and wagging their chins
To hell with tradition of our thirty plus years
To hell with the our oldies let them drown in their tears

It's training tonight and for the rest of the season
But why did we ask- for what is your reason
Just clap me he said at the dinner and cheer
When I am awarded the Jock-strap and Pr*ck of the year

(apologies to Laurie the bush bard)

We lost the next Saturday!!!!

The Response to the above

In response to Bryans prose, attached is some of my own, with absolutely no apologies to Lewis Carrol.

Not Training Playing
"The time has come," some Quenchies' said,
"To talk of how to get the ball:
Of scrums--and drive--and line outs--
Of rucking--and of maul--
And why the scrum is not so hot--
And what's the line out call?"
"But wait a bit," the old men cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And we've NEVER EVER done that!"
"Don't worry!" said the Bormann.
They thanked him much for that.
"Some basics," the Borman said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
some line out calls
with rucks and mauls--
will be very good indeed,
We can then begin, to feed the backs.
and watch them ply their skill
a deft pass here, a sidestep there
as they begin to thrill. But first of all
we need the ball and forwards to the fore
we lack the skill without some drill
to win the ball at all.
So Thursday nights, when backs are flash
And stepping to and fro
You'll see the forwards in a bunch and sometimes in a row
The black arts learned, in this small band will surely lead the way
for backs to dazzle scrum halve's to razzle
But it wont be the Eltham way

Rgds
Martin Roche